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frankie marino wrote:

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depression and anxiety have been a big part of my life since i was in middle school. i had a terrible childhood, poor welfare kid, moved constantly, slept in parks, ate out of dumpsters, blah blah blah. adulthood hasn't been much of an improvment. i try to remember when i get in a "state" that it's not that bad and my brain juices are just sloshing around, making things seem worse than they are. but sometimes, but dammit sometimes they are that bad!

i suppose it partially superstition, or self-fulfilling prophecy but every time something good happens to me i get very nervous because i know something bad will happen to counteract it. as i type, i'm "living" with my wife, my 3 cats and my ferret in my mother in law's computer room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. this isn't because i'm a drug addict and i blew rent money on smack. it's not because i don't have a job. it's because i have an endless stream of bad luck. it's because whenever life starts to improve, i am slapped back by the hand of fate. when i hear people turn to religion at times like this, i think "why would you want to believe in god? if he's real, he must be a HUGE dick!" this is coming from a career crumudgeon, i know that there's no such thing as "luck" and it's just a coincidence that my life constantly sucks, but in a way my pessimism helps me to deal.

i try not to judge people, or think "i have it worse than you." it's a chemical reaction. when you're depressed, your brain wants you to stay depressed. it's hard to get out of the cycle-especially when the sh!t keeps piling up. for this girl, money and fame was too much for her. i've always had the exact opposite problem. money can't buy happiness, but it can buy dignity, respect, love and happiness. on the other hand, "mo money, mo problems"

but anyways, i never get suicidal, per se, but i certainly am willing to go like, whenever.

Well, I didn't have those types of experiences as a kid, so I definitely feel for ya brother, but I did grow up pretty poor, so I know a little about where your coming from. We never had any money, it seemed, though I certainly never starved or anything like that. My dad was a maintenance man for most of his adult life and my mom stayed at home and took care of my brother and myself. Nobody in my family had ever stepped into a college before I went. I got married really young (20, my wife was 19) and we lived in my mom and dad's damp, moldy basement for almost 5 years of our early marriage. There were times back then when the only income we had coming in was my wife's little daycare job checks, which amounted to not much at all. We would eat Ramen noodles for dinner every night and we literally did nothing for entertainment because we had no money. At that time, a lot of my friends had already finished school, or had good jobs in family businesses and were buying houses, etc. I remember being very, very depressed, to the point of where I really didn't care if I was alive or not (though I never considered killing myself). But the key was, my wife and I had each other, and all that time, we would work whatever jobs we could find and keep going to school whenever we could. Eventually, we both finished college. I'll tell you, it was a huge struggle for me, not the work itself, but the whole "process." I had no family members to get advise from about college and I lived in a very small, cliquey, town where if you were not one of the Jones' kids, no one was willing to go out of their way to guide you. It took me 7 years to finish college, and I'm no doctor. But now, at 32 years old, things are finally starting to shape up. I've worked in my current employment for the past 6 years, and I have been promoted twice in that amount time, with the latest promotion being one that I REALLY wanted and I can see myself doing for the rest of my working life. I'm still trying to dig out of the debt we created back when we had no money, but now I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Now my point of bringing this all up is not to compare our stories or anything, but to give you some advise because I think you're a good dude and I do actually know a little of what you're feeling. You are amongst the working poor. I was there, my brother is currently there, and unfortunately more and more people are slipping into this group. You work your butt off, but can't get ahead because the cost of living has just become so high now with gas and food prices sky-rocketing. When something happens, such as your car breaking down, it is a MAJOR problem because even if it costs only a couple of hundred dollars to fix, that is a couple of hundred dollars you don't have. It sucks and for many people I just don't see it getting better anytime soon.

I think the first thing you need to do is really sit down and ask yourself what is important to you: Do you care about money or do you really care about finding a career in which you are truly passionate about? If it's money, then you must evaluate your current life and really consider a college education. The truth is, in the current world, you just can't find the kinds of good paying jobs that our parents and grandparents had with no education. It's a struggle, and sometimes it really sucks, but if that's the life you want, you must pool all your resources into getting or completing an education. That means, few movies, few CDs, you stop eating out, etc. I can tell you, it was really rough watching family and friends going off on vacations, and eating at restaurants and doing all the things that make life enjoyable, because we literally couldn't do anything. But now, after years of struggle, we are bypassing them because we put in the extra time and effort and didn't just settle for the immediate rewards.

On the other hand, maybe the dog grooming is something that you are truly passionate about and you really want to do, then maybe you have to consider finding a cheaper place (city) to live and changing some of those thing in your life which costs you money. You may never get rich this way, but you certainly could enjoy your life better than you currently are now. Maybe your depression is seriously a barrier in your life? If that's the case, perhaps you should really see someone to help get you some medication to regulate it. There is certainly no shame in it.

Anyway, I hope I didn't come off as condescending or like a know-it-all or anything like that, as that is certainly not my goal. I just really hate seeing so many people struggling like they are, really have a unhappy life. You seem like a bright and witty guy, so I'm sure you could do pretty much anything you set your mind to.

Cheers,

Brant

bgart13 wrote:

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I have to say at this point in my life, getting a BA has done not much except f-up my life. It works for some people if it's a specific and skilled degree. Otherwise, forget it. In many ways, I regret getting my degree. Between the loans I took out and having to live on multiple CCs during and up to only a couple of years ago, I'm looking at about 20k in debt. The lawyers are calling and sending letters at this point too. Not too many people are happy with me.

It's an amazing world we live in when someone with a BA can't get a job because they are "overqualified" (wtf is that?) or not quite qualified enough (you know, they want more direct experience answering phones [?], or tell you that you're a great asset, but they found someone outstanding [ouch!]).

If anyone out there is still in college or considering college, I'll be honest with ya -- you at least need a Master's in this day and age. I think a BA is nothing more than a detriment; I would've had more luck finding steady, good work over the last couple of years if I only had my HS diploma.